Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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