# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
