hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
