My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
