I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
