he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
