I wanna bring you to show and tell
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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