I am in a vortex of obligation.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
