is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
