I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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