You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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