garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
