Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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