I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
