Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
