he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize