Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
