So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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