my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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