She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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