I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I love having hate sex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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