Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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