did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
