i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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