When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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