at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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