i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I need to align my fucking chakras
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
