I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
