He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We are all done wearing pants today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
