Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
