fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
