so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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