drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
