there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
