i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
