I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
