Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
