she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
