i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
