So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
