After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
