i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
