Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm passing your future prison.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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