Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
