Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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