yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
