saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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