there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
