WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
