I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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