I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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