I hate all girls vehemently.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
