Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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