Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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