Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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