it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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