Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
