btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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