Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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