Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
