If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
