and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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