stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
