she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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