Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
