The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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