This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
