just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
