Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
