I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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